These 30 Jokes Are So Far From Funny They're Guaranteed To Make You Cringe
Everybody thinks they're a comedian, but these 30 unfunny jokes prove that's not true.
I've taken a lot of comedy classes in my life. I've seen jokes about everything under the sun and even some about the sun itself. It takes a lot to impress me at the point which is why I am excited to say... that this following list did not. At least not on its comedic merit.
What I did find impressive was its ability to make me groan. That's not for nothing. I'm normally a pretty stoic person, but everything here just made me put my face in my hands and sigh. 30 times in a row. In some ways, I think that's more impressive than a few chuckles.
1. Oh, I see what you did there.
2. This is bad advice
.@edfringe I heard making pancakes and rotisserie food helps you sleep but I just ended up tossing and turning all night. #BadJokeFriday
— (((Rob Grace))) (@robjgrace) February 17, 20173. You also won't pass if you don't get this joke.
Anyone who thinks alcohol is not a solution will never pass a chemistry exam. #FridayFeeling #BadJokeFriday pic.twitter.com/fDYYKudx9g
— Simon Hall (@SimonHallNews) March 3, 20174. Including this sweet
@999KISW Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything. #BadJokeFriday
— Resist☆nce (@SoundersfansTr) March 3, 20175. He's the real star player
How did Ebeneezer Scrooge win his football match?
The Ghost of Christmas passed... #BadJokeFriday
6. Get it together, cats
What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-astrophe #BadJokeFriday
— ENC SDO (@EncSdo) March 3, 20177. I hear they are going to therapy
Why do two birds in a nest always agree?
Cos they don't wanna fall out#BadJokeFriday
8. It was a really good costume.
@edfringe A friend of mine dressed as Medusa for Halloween. Everyone at the party was petrified. #BadJokeFriday
— Andy MacLeod (@nailest) March 3, 20179. Also, they are extinct
@edfringe Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent. #BadJokeFriday
— Rebecca DiGiuro (@LoveTheWitty) March 3, 201710. Still gross.
@EdinChamber @edfringe Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Luckily the injuries were only super fish oil. #BadJokeFriday #imsorry
— Drew Gibson (@drew_the_editor) March 3, 201711. The loudest of pants
Q. What do clouds wear under their shorts? ☁️️
A. Thunderpants 🌩️#BadJokeFriday
12. It is the tea of the people
Why did Lenin only drink chamomile tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.#BadJokeFriday #onlyjokeiknow
— Ben Werdmuller (@benwerd) March 3, 201713. That's why they say "Foot in Mouth"
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?👃🏻
Because then it would be a foot! #BadJokeFriday
— Rob Sinclair (@RSinclairAuthor) February 17, 201714. Don't make fun of his disability
What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?
Roberto
#BadJokeFriday
15. Don't you give up on me!
@edfringe Q: What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
A: Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!#BadJokeFriday
16. I'm going to start doing this.
Whenever I fill out a form that asks who should be notified in case of an emergency, I always put "a very good doctor."#badjokefriday
— Bobby Mono (@bobbymono) February 17, 201717. That'll be easy to remember.
It's #BadJokeFriday again
Q. What is Forrest Gump's email password?
A. 1forrest1 pic.twitter.com/6Y84xy0hqF
— Edinburgh Chamber (@EdinChamber) February 17, 201718. Lots of couples meet this way
I met my Wife to be at a charity bungee jump.
She was on the rebound.#BadJokeFriday
19. Peace be upon you
Why are mosquitos religious.....?
They prey on you! #BadJokeFriday pic.twitter.com/1z0rZXjkxV
20. That's not what... Oh.
@RSinclairAuthor people ask me what I'll be doing in three years time. I dunno I don't have 2020 vision #BadJokeFriday #sorry 😂
— ian clark (@gingerjordi) February 10, 201721. I prefer "Wheelsed."
Q: Why do bicycles fall asleep?
A: Because they're tired. #BadJokeFriday
22. Hey-Oh!
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A Virgin Mobile. #BadJokeFriday (@Nigel_Mutt @AuntieShaz1) pic.twitter.com/s3DMJqlrzV
23. This makes sense.
@edfringe
Patient: 'Doctor, Doctor, I've broken my arm in several places!'
Doctor: 'Then stop going to those places.'#BadJokeFriday
24. Poor berry
What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry!#BadJokeFriday
— The Berry Theatre (@theberrytheatre) February 10, 201725. Pretty good
@edfringe
Q what did one bean say to the other bean ?
A How you bean#badjokefriday
26. You know, because of the long necks and whatnot.
#badjokefriday
Why is it cheap to feed giraffes?
Because a little goes a long way.
27. Lots of pieces to this one.
What did the #Joker say to the Policeman and #LegoBatman when he was being arrested? "Please #LEGO" 😂. #BadJokeFriday #LEGOBatmanMovie pic.twitter.com/aqi9aHvajW
— Edinburgh North East (@EdinPolNE) February 10, 201728. What a bargain!
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade." #BadJokeFriday @999KISW
— Traun Strowman (@JaimsVanDerBeek) February 4, 201729. Jerks.
@edfringe We tried to tell a bad joke to a burglar, but they always take things literally... #BadJokeFriday
— Edinburgh Film Fest (@edfilmfest) February 3, 201730. I guess this counts.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several people leave as they realise the potential danger of the situation.#BadJokeFriday pic.twitter.com/LIHtI9GPDK
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